Election Parody On Classic Christmas Poem

'Twas three weeks before Christmas
and all across the land,
All the creatures were stirring
'cause they still didn’t have their man.

All the stock owners clung
near their computers with care
in hopes that their profits
soon would be there.

All the would-be appointees
were sleepless in bed
as visions of top jobs
danced in their heads.

Ma in her ‘kerchief,
and I in my golf cap
had just settled down
for a post-election nap.

But radio and TV was all achatter
No elected leader, that was the matter
Turn off the tube and make it fast
Just get it over, elect someone’s ass.

Can’t watch Jeopardy, my best show
Who’s president? We still didn’t know
What to my wondering eyes appear,
Nine robed Justices, not one reindeer.

We have elections, that’s how we pick
This can’t happen, it must be a trick
Rapid as snakes, the lawyers came
Facing the Supremes playing a game

Breyer, Ginsburg, Thomas did listen
Bush, Gore lawyers kept pitchn’
Continuing to fight - they had gall,
All I could think was “Dash away all.”

Checking dimples, chads gone awry
“It's just too stupid,” I said with a sigh.
Up to the Supremes, lawyers they flew
Maybe to pick the President for you.

Counting the ballots, is there a goof?
Whose fault is it, where is the proof?
Seeking votes, scrounging around
suspicious ballots seem to abound.

Waiting to hear, Al stands on one foot
But George W. cant’ just stay put
Bags of names W. slung on his back
to fill jobs and cut Al no slack.

Ballots so wrinkled, dimples so weary,
the boxes so full, so hard to carry,
Sacks full of chad, tied with a bow,
May be Christmas before we know.

Did some pholks vote with their teeth?
Punch all the chad to make a wreath?
Or did some swallow it into their belly?
But really pholks, nobody’s that silly.

Was our election ruined by an elf?
(I made that up pholks, all by myself.)
A wink of an eye, a nod of the head,
Tells me I have nothing to dread.

Don’t worry our system will work
and sooner or later we’ll elect the jerk
Laying a finger aside of his nose
Our leader in the Oval Office will pose.

In D.C., to his team he gave a whistle,
“Tell them not to mess with a missile.”
I hear him exclaim from out of sight
“I'm finally here, but boy was it tight!”