Let's Get Political

I’ve got a busy next few weeks.

I gotta give the dog a bath, sort my socks, count the onions in the pantry, count the pennies on my dresser, make sure all my golf tees in the catch-all drawer are all pointed the same way, clean my comb with a toothpick, dust all the light bulbs in the house, and count the number of cotton swabs I have left in the bathroom cabinet.

A lot of those chores I would normally put off day-after-day. But now, pholks I have a reason.

Yes, I am determined to keep myself occupied while the two major American political parties host their national conventions.

Someone please tell me why in the hell anyone would want to pay any attention to today’s conventions. I’m not really old but I certainly remember when the Republican and Democratic conventions were somewhat fun and interesting to watch or listen to. Even the riots in Chicago were neat if you weren’t in Chicago or had friends or relatives anywhere close to that area. And the political fights and the mystery of whom might get the nomination at times were riveting. And I personally liked to see the roll call of delegates and I even recall being glued to the tube to see who was going to, as they used to say, “get the nod” of their party. And how about some of those so-called spontaneous celebrations and outbursts from various state delegations?

Sure pholks, even in their heyday the conventions weren’t as good as a great football contest or a World Series game, but they were exciting and something many people actually looked forward to.

At times there was chaos in the isles when rogue delegates split from their delegations and caused various kinds of tricks to make their political points.

And who among us can ever forget how stupid some of those delegates looked with their dumb looking hats and hand painted signs. The spontaneous demonstrations actually demonstrated some great planning.

Now all the excitement is gone and all that is left is some stupid looking hats on the heads of some stupid looking pholks who have got to feel stupid by appearing on national television and possibly being interviewed by some stupid looking reporters who also should feel stupid for accepting such a stupid assignment.

I mean something is wrong with this country when we have a sharp-witted politically astute veteran comedian like Dennis Miller doing supposedly serious commentary on Monday Night Football while some serious politically informed news person works the non-consequential political conventions.

Heck pholks, we don’t even have to wonder whom the chosen presidential candidate is going to pick as his or her running mate. That’s decided prior to the convention. What, I ask you, is the reason to watch either one of these conventions?

And another thing. What is any candidate going to say that he or she hasn’t said before the start of the convention. He or she is not going to pour out any personal secrets which the media or an opponent hasn’t brought out yet. We don’t even have that to look forward to.

I suggest that instead of having these costly conventions and wasting good time and money for hundreds of delegates to tour Philadelphia or Los Angeles and all that stuff including the millions and millions on police and other security the two parties do something else every fourth year. My idea is that each party pick some small city and have a one-day, one night get together complete with a bonfire rally.

Each delegate could bring two sacks full of trash from their hometown and use it to fuel the fire. They would be cleaning up their community as well as cutting the cost of entertainment Those who want to dress up in silly hats and such could help lead the cheers and toss the balloons and confetti. The chosen communities would reap financial rewards with local motels and campground fees and porta-potty rental fees. The townsfolk and area restaurants could sell to-go meals or host barbecues and all that stuff. It would be good ol’ grass roots politics even though the selection of the party’s candidates would have been selected.

What I have in mind is sorta like a political Woodstock without as much sex, good music or flowers.

And pholks, a lot less football and baseball games being pre-empted.