The New Millennium

The new millennium is here, for real this time.

But pholks, very few people in the whole wide world really seemed to give a damn.

Practically the whole planet was so obsessed a year ago to celebrate what they wrongly perceived as the start of the new century and the new millennium that the real one arrived with a world-wide yawn. As a civilization we went all out for the ersatz millennium and practically slept through the real deal.

Just think back to last year and all the near panic about Y2K, the potential for the “sky to fall.” and all the hoopla, fireworks, once-in-a-lifetime celebration and it seems, to me at least, that it was much ado about nothing.

But even if you believe this past year was the first of the new century and millennium, a tremendous amount of change has taken place, much which most of us didn’t even realize.

But, when you stop to think about it just consider the plight of Walter and Martha, a middle aged couple I selected at random. Their lives and lifestyles have changed in so many ways this common-pholk couple has been left scratching their heads and wondering just what the hell this world is coming to.

They loved their Plymouth Reliant so much but after 20 years it was time to get some new wheels. Martha suggested they get a new Plymouth and Walter agreed. But the pair was shocked to find out that the Chrysler Corp. (now Daimler-Chrysler) wasn’t going to make any more Plymouths. Martha was heartbroken but finally agreed with Walter’s suggestion that they “step up” and get an Oldsmobile. “This might be the last new car we ever get,” Walter said, “and we deserve it. We’ve worked hard and can afford a nicer car.” Martha finally agreed and was so proud she called her son in Long Beach to tell him and the family the good news.

But the joy was short-lived when Bob, the son, told mom “Haven’t you heard? General Motors isn’t going to make any more Olds. This will be the last year.”

Martha was so shaken she didn’t think she would be able to tell Walter the news about the Oldsmobiles when he came back from shopping.

Twenty minutes later the 61-year-old Walter came though the door looking like he had lost his best friend. Before Martha could find the nerve to deliver the sad Oldsmobile news, Walter blurted out, “Honey, you won’t believe it. I went to Home Base to get some new blades for my saw and some hinges to fix the patio door and learned the store is going out of business. What the hell is going on?”

Martha barely made it to the sofa her knees were shaking so. It was three hours later after a glass of wine and some wedges of cheese that Martha was able to compose herself enough to tell her mate that in addition to having to find a new place to shop for home improvement  materials, Walter was not going to be able to shop for an Olds.

Three weeks later after a round of golf for Walter and a visit with the neighbor ladies for Martha, the couple piled into the old Plymouth and headed for Montgomery Wards to do some end of  the year shopping.

Later that evening after opening their Edison bill, the loving pair downed a couple strong cocktails (which was not their habit) Walter and Martha figured it was prudent and more cost efficient to fire up the fireplace.  Just as the house was beginning to feel comfortable and cozy the local TV newscaster announced that residents were being urged not to use their fireplaces to lessen the impact on the atmosphere.

Well pholks, as we leave Walter and Martha let us wish them well. The new millennium is only a few days old, or even a year and a few days if you must, but things are certainly not the way they were, way back in 1999.