July 18, 2001

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Middle Aged

Being middle aged has some advantages.

Especially when you have coffee nearly every morning with "the guys" most of whom are in your age range. In my case most of "the guys" are, on average, five to ten years my senior.

But the middle aged advantage is having things in common with them. Knowing what they are talking about and being able to contribute to the conversation. I have learned a lot at coffee although the majority of what is discussed at such sessions is nothing to write home about. Nothing to talk about at home either. Not that everything we talk about at the coffee shop is bad even though it is mainly guy talk. There are some dirty jokes, most of which are as old as those of us having our morning coffee. Sure, there are some things which would not go over well at the dinner table or during commercials in the evening news. But most of the talk at coffee could be termed boring to the wife, children or grandchildren. They would call it stupid, nonsense, "really really dumb" or other such terms.

But in the coffee shop it is stimulating, funny, and sometimes it really is serious and even educational.

Yesterday's, today's and tomorrow's weather is always among the morning topics. In winter and spring the rainfall and low temperatures are compared among the coffee guys. Everyone, it seems, but me, has a range gauge. I don't need one for farming or anything else but I get the lowdown anyway. I can tell my wife that evening how much Joe got five miles east of town and how much Jerry got eight miles north of town. That doesn't excite her very much so I usually only mention it once or twice a week during those seasons.

Current politics are discussed every day. It is like a radio talk show without having to call in. And stories in the daily newspaper are digested, dissected and discussed. Many times the rest of the story comes out from those who know whomever has made the news. Of course, the obits are among the first items to be discussed. At least four times a week the obit page has someone at least one of us knows. Each of us gives thanks that it is not us who is being read and talked about.

Of course, since we are all at least middle aged, some of the language used would be foreign to any younger pholks sitting in that morning. Terms like peach pomade or Brylcreem, Ed Sullivan, Lucky Lager, spinner hubcaps, tuck and roll, eight-track tape players, create blank looks on those younger faces.

And of course each regular has his weak spot which in reality is a target. You are not one of the guys until you get teased about something which has come up in discussion, something from your past, something about your morning ritual (like where you sit, what you eat, your shoes, hat, boots, or shirt. If you use a certain phrase in your talk) it is thrown up to you by the others. Nothing is sacred and sometimes those personal traits, habits, or sayings become your ticket to the coffee bunch. If you are shy, you don't belong there. Seldom will a shy person make regular appearances. If you start out shy, you had better adjust pretty damned fast. That's how life is in the coffee shop when you're middle aged.