Nightmares

It's been frightening and so discomforting that it's showing.

My family and friends say I look tired and beat. I think they are right. The lack of sleep is taking its toll. My wife and my dog are worried. I may have to go to the doctor if I can't lick this problem.

Pholks, I hate to complain. I'm a strong person, but these reoccurring nightmares are making me a quivering, shaky wreck.

You see, pholks, these dreams seem to wreak havoc to my well-being each December. This year they started three days before Thanksgiving.

I know this is going to be hard to follow, but please bear with me as I try to relate bits and pieces of these horrible nightmares. There are several scenarios in these nightmares but each seems to have a common thread. Some details in each scenario, which seem to rotate, change each night and seem to grown in intensity.

Here is a synopsis of several of my nightmares:

It's a very dark night and the stars are bright. A huge potato-shaped spaceship lands in a clearing close to my house. I'm drawn to this strange craft which has blinking green and yellow strobe lights. The thing opens and out come half a dozen creatures with ceramic-like skin. They have short green hair. They have high-pitched voices. Their expressions appear to be smiles. They don't speak any language I can recognize, but I take the sounds to be humming. They beckon me to board their craft. I'm scared to death as I stand there in my shorts and socks but I seem to be compelled to follow them aboard.

As we take off, my alien captors watch me constantly. As I stare back I notice their green hair is getting longer and longer. They seem pleased. Then in an instant their bodies start to take on various shapes. One looks like a camel, another turns into a sheep and a third into a human head.

I can't tell how long each of several mystery flights last but somehow we wind up in parking lots of K-Mart, WalMart, Longs Drugs and some over stores which I don't recognize, an indication to be that we probably are now in the Mid-West or East Coast. My captors, along with their spacecraft, seem to be invisible to other human shoppers. These creatures begin jumping up and down and pointing at certain shoppers exiting the store with small packages.

The next thing I know I'm outside my house, shorts and socks still intact. As I enter my home, my dog, Panda, gives me a strange look, yelps and hides under the bed.

(Scene change)

I'm shipwrecked on a desert island. I've been stranded there for weeks, about to starve or die of thirst. On the horizon I see a raft drifting toward me. I rush into the surf and help beach the raggedly constructed raft. Aboard are half a dozen drop-dead beautiful women.

They have food and water but very little clothing. For two days they nurse me back to glorious health. Life is good. I have survived. And how! All my needs are being fulfilled.

On the third day I awake at sunrise in the warm embrace of three of my saviors.

I scream. I scream again. And again. I'm being held tightly by three green and fuzzy globs. The three others look the same but are frolicking in the sand, yelling and dancing and pointing at me. They laugh and point and laugh and point. They are even more excited then they have been during their enthusiastic efforts to bring me back to life. As they continue to point at me, I look down and discover that I'm turning green and growing moss-like stuff all over my body. My six companions tell me I now am their brother and no longer qualify for their affection.

(scene change)

I'm watching a football at home and my team is about to score when suddenly the screen goes black for a second before it comes back as several green and fuzzy creatures appear. All at once, they come out of the tv set and attack me. They bind me with green ropes and pull me into the tv while all the time singing "Jingle Bells," "Frosty the Snow Man" and "I'm Dreaming Of A Green Christmas."

I heard loud clapping and the sound of a salad shooter in the background. I turn off the bedroom tv which had, somehow, been tuned to a station running Chia Pet commercials.

I hear knocking on the front door and, still shaking, stumble my way to answer the knock. I open the door and nobody is there, only a small package.

Despite the fact it is a no-fireplace burning day (early morning, actually) I start a fire and burn the package which for some reason produced green smoke.

If I can last another week or so I think I have a chance to recover and be around to wish everyone, except those green, fuzzy and obnoxious things, an enjoyable and safe holiday season.

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The above stories are the property of The Valley Voice Newspaper and may not be reprinted without explicit permission in writing from the publisher.