Got Milk?

If you haven't heard, Tulare County has made some pretty good headlines with its rise to the top of the agricultural production list.

Number One in the whole darned world. Well pholks, better get used to it. As most of us who have been around this valley for a few decades it felt pretty good to be able to brag about living in one of the top three agricultural counties in the world. Fresno County enjoyed that status for as long as I can recall. As an agriculture beat writer and editor for a few years, I often relied on annual crop reports from various counties to compare various productions in surrounding counties to other areas of the world.

Valley counties often produce more of certain crops than do other entire countries. It is common practice to announce that Tulare, or Fresno or Kern or Kings county produces 70 per cent of the world's supply of this, or 60 per cent of that or 35 percent of something else.

Now, for at least one year, Tulare County will be touting its Number One status to beat the band. I think its great and I expect to see all kinds of promotions not only from county officials but from all kind of businesses and industries, many which don't seem to have any agricultural or agri-business connections.

But as I was helping out with some advertising materials on that very subject, I couldn't help but think about how similar this scenario is to the sports world, the auto industry, manufacturing, modern technology, or other industries.

Tiger Woods, Number One in the world of golf, earns millions promoting Nike and Buick and various other products. Those who pay him for his endorsements wouldn't pay those outrageous amounts if they weren't going to reap many times their investments.

Michael Jordan did the same thing. Even Carrot Top, or whoever the guy is, makes a lot of money just being stupid while promoting dialing a certain long distance telephone company.

So I think it would be a great thing for Tulare County along with various agricultural entities to hire some big names to tout our new Number One in the World status.

They could print out labels with Tiger or Britney Spears or the Williams sister tennis stars and stick them on oranges, grapes, milk cartons, etc. The labels would read something like "We're Both Number One" or "We're the Tops in Crops" or whatever. You get the point.

I personally think "We're Number One and Growing" is the best shot for a new Tulare County motto. Maybe "Sow What?--Yes We Can!" or "Grow Up In Tulare County" might not be bad sayings for us to tout.

Whatever we wind up with, it's a pretty good bet that some hefty profits will be made in the touting of our new claim to fame. We gotta make hay while the sun shines. And then feed that hay to the cows who will make milk. After all pholks, we are utterly the best. Of course, you knew I was gonna pull that one. I just had to milk it for all its worth. And in 2001 that totaled up to $1.2 billion.

Got Milk? Hell Yes.

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