Thinking About the Future

Something to think about, but hopefully not in the near future for most of us.

Yes pholks, it's good to plan ahead, especially when considering your final goodbys. Most funeral homes are more than happy to help families plan arrangements in advance of the unavoidable event. Smart pholks plan ahead, as the saying goes. Pay now, go later and all that stuff.

Well now there is a new twist, one which I think also has some merit. It's the trend for what is best described as "theme funerals" where the going away party reflects the life, love, passions or hobbies of the dearly departed.

A St. Louis, Mo., funeral home recently rated an Associated Press feature story dealing with the subject and using the send off for Vallonia Smith as an example. Ms. Smith was laid out in what was dubbed "Big Mamma's Kitchen," a room in the mortuary where loved ones and friends played cards, sipped iced tea and Kool-Aid near the open casket. Dishes were in the drainer and a loaf of bread atop the refrigerator. According to reports, a good time was had by all attending the two-hour wake. Lots of stories about "Big Momma" were enjoyed and pholks commented on how much the setting reminded them of the way the honoree was in real life. Reportedly there wasn't a lot of crying and the normal grimness of such an event was lessened. The funeral company, based in Arizona, owns mortuaries in Chicago, New York, and Indianapolis, offers a variety of settings. About half of one funeral homes clients select the special services. Settings include a small fish-stocked pond where a sign reads "Fishing Season is Closed,'' a basketball goal, baseball settings, and even a recliner, remote control and a TV.

An executive of the company was quoted as saying "We're convinced this is the wave of the future."

I don't think it is the wave of the future, but certainly we will see more of such things.

I haven't broached this new wrinkle with my wife yet, although we have some plans already made. But I think I'm smart enough to know that such a discussion must be brought up at just the right time. If not, a guy would end up having a going away party much sooner than expected, and with no special arrangements if he suggests the wrong "theme" or so-called decorations.

My wife probably would go along with some kind of golf, baseball, football theme or maybe a "Jeopardy," or some such theme reflecting what passions I may have.

Maybe I could be laid out surrounded by some of my more noted writings, or photographs I have taken. A typewriter, a computer, some notebooks, some scratched out notes written on cocktail napkins and some old newspapers connected to my journalistic endeavors.

But if I got smart and suggested depictions of me doing household chores which I identify myself with, such as washing dishes, taking out the trash or maybe sneaking a drink out of the milk carton or some of my more "outstanding" adventures in my drinking days, I might be dead much too soon.

Of course I can see going away parties for other pholks such as a judge or a lawyer in a courtroom setting; a policeman with cop stuff all around; a fireman, with ladders, turnouts, a fireman's pole or fire ax; a truck driver with a truck stop background; a circus star with lions, elephants, a big tent, and trapeze artists; big game hunter with mounted trophies and lots of guns, etc. You get the picture.

There should be some limitations, however, such as garbage collectors, certain medical professionals, especially specialists, and long-time criminals, slaughter house workers, sewer workers, and toxic cleanup specialists. I'm sure each of you has some nominees of those whose send-off should be monitored by a "good taste" professional. Some kind of Martha Stewart type. Perhaps this could develop into a new profession.

A suggestion: How about discussing this topic after Thanksgiving Dinner instead of a nap or watching a post-feast football game.

Just an idea. Aren't you thankful?

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