Jackass

Monkey see, monkey do.

The same goes for jackasses, for which I have proof: " Jackass: The Movie," grossed, and I mean grossed, more than $22 million in October, its debut month. That sentence means that enough jackasses went to theaters and paid that much money to see a bunch of societal misfits (read that jackasses) perform asinine, dangerous, gross, and intelligence insulting stunts to make it the nation's number one movie. That dollar amount certainly has grown considerable since those figures were released.

Now pholks, I gotta tell you that I'm criticizing a film I have not seen. A movie I won't see. A movie which will force me to lose respect for anyone dumb enough to go see it. Several pholks have suggested I see the film and use the excuse that I had to see it to be able to write about it. No way. Since I maintain that jackasses are the primary beings which would pay, or even get in free, to see the flick, I must include myself out. Of course, I still might be considered a jackass, but that's a horse, sorta, of a different color. Actually, a different breed.

A little bit of background for those of you who have no idea what this is about is in order.

"Jackass the Movie"is the big-screen version of an MTV show which features stupid guys doing stupid things.

There has been lots of criticism about that show and now some groups and individuals are pushing for a boycott. One boycott backer is the father of a son severely burned when trying to recreate a stunt seen on the MTV show. The guy's 12-year-old son was hospitalized with second and third degree burns earlier this year at the home of a 13-year-old friend. The friend doused the boy's shirt with lamp oil and set him ablaze, just like they had seen on TV. The burning boy ran out side where he was saved by two other boys who rolled him in a snow bank.

Another boy was critically burned when two friend poured gas on his feet and legs and ignited him. This was an attempt to duplicate a stupid stunt where one of the MTV guys puts on a fire resistant suit to which he attaches beef steaks. He then lays out on a huge grill and plays the role of a human barbecue.

Another kid was hurt a few months later when trying to copy-cat the stunt in this moron leaps out of the way for a moving car at the very last second. The copy-cat missed.

Of course MTV broadcasts a warning telling viewers not to attempt, etc. etc, etc. We all know how good that works.

Sen. Joseph Lieberman urged the MTV to ease up on the stunts or cancel them altogether. Instead the cable network moved it to a later time slot. We all know how that works.

Just to show how much they care, the movie industry bigwigs gave it an "R" rating. We all know how that works.

There pholks, I rest my case. If we really want to know what's wrong with our culture, all we have to do is look around. And we certainly shouldn't pay $4 to $8 a piece to do the looking.

Don't ask me what's wrong with this world. I've already told you, and it didn't cost you a cent. SPEAKING OF STUNTS, I MUST report that the Saturday after Halloween I attempted to defend my World's Champion (Senior Men's Division) Pumpkin Roller title in my hometown of Knight's Ferry. It was not a dangerous event, unless one got out of hand in the post-contest celebration at the local watering hole.

Anyway, I was out lagged by one inch. One little stupid inch. Since there was no video tape replay and no re-measurement, I will have to live through the next 12 months with the reality that I came with within one inch of being a "two-peater."

And we all know how good that works.

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