Shuper for Governor

Pholks, it's been a tough couple a weeks but I have come to my decision. I will NOT run for the office of Governor of the once great State of California.

Although there are somewhere around 270 others who have vowed to run against our beleaguered Gov. Gray Davis who is facing an unprecedented recall, I choose not to throw one of my golf caps into the campaign. Some locals, including Valley Voice owner and publisher John Lindt, have urged me to wage a serious campaign to become the governor of what used to be one of the most prestigious political positions in the nation.

I admit the idea has some appeal. If elected I might not make the greatest of governors but considering what we have had over the last 30 or so years I probably couldn't do so bad. I did not come to my decision lightly. I asked myself a lot of questions, carefully weighed the pros and cons of each factor, totaled up each column and came to the conclusion.

Here are some of the issues I had to contemplate, ranked in no order of importance:

GETTING ON THE BALLOT
PRO--Raising the $3,500 and getting 65 pholks to sign the proper forms probably wouldn't be too much of a problem. There surely are some area residents who would pony up some bucks just for the heck of it. Maybe they might think they were paying to let me make a phool of myself and worth the outlay of cash. Others might really think I could do something in Sacramento. Really make a difference. Others might want to be a part of a potential political machine, hoping to ride on my coattails.
CON--Being on the ballot with some real wackos and the likes of Hustler Publisher Larry Flynt, famous names-the-same such as Bob Dole, Dan Feinstein, S. Issa. There are several Davises who have filed as well as Steve Young, Bill Murray and Michael Jackson, none of which are the famous ones. According to news stories out of San Francisco, a Democrat named Georgy Russell, is marketing "Georgy for Governor boxer shorts and thongs on her web site. She pledges to campaign hard for clean elections, clean energy and a cleaned-up criminal justice system. I guess having clean new shorts is a step in the right direction.

But being part of such a group of gubernatorial candidates just doesn't seem to be one of the ways I want to be remembered.

In this contest, CON wins.

RAISING CAMPAIGN FUNDS
PRO--The excitement of the fund-raising travels and events. Seeing the state, meeting new people, shaking hands, back slaps and digging into some deep pockets. Probably exciting for three weeks.
CON--Having to raise millions of bucks to launch a serious state-wide campaign. I know a dozen millionaires on a first-named basis. I don't know any who want to bet on a political unknown who would be a long, long shot. I don't photograph well, I have too big a neck to wear a tie, my hair is thinning and I will not make campaign promises I can't be sure of being able to keep. Of course with some of the potential candidates already millionaires or armed with huge election war chests, it would be impossible to compete on such a big money basis. Again, CON wins.

FORMING A CAMPAIGN PLATFORM
PRO--This would be the fun part. Putting the state on the road to financial recovery is the key. Trim the fat in government, education, public service, health and make the state business friendly and regulate cell phones would do wonders for our state.

School districts would have to have 12 to 15 teachers for each administrator. No readee, no writeee, no graduatee. No free passes.

One Cal-Trans foreman or supervisor per crew of 10.

Cut big-pay, no-work political appointment positions by 95 percent. The other 5 percent would have to file monthly reports on what they accomplished to earn their pay.

Use inmate labor to build prisons and jails. Fourteen hour days of hard work provides lots of exercise.

This pholks is a win for PRO. To sum things up, it's obvious to me that I should not run. I never say never and if I win a really big lotto jackpot I could change my mind. So pholks, if someone comes up to you begs for your signature on a petition with my name of it, just say no. If they ask for money, just say no...unless of course, you recognize me.

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