Jingle Bells

I really don't get too excited about Jingle Bells, but I think this year I'm going to miss them really a lot.

Jingle bells are neat for about three days before Christmas. Any longer and they get on my nerves. But compared to the constant, constant, constant tunes, tones, squeals, squeaks, squalls, ding-a-lings and other maddening sounds, I'm doomed this holiday season. Jingle Bells will be drowned out.

Insult to injury–a damned cell-phone playing Jingle Bells. If that happens to me in public, I'm telling you right now I won't be responsible for my actions.

Now pholks, I gotta tell you that I'm very proud of myself in recent months with the self-control I've maintained. I went so far as to venture to a couple of the new big stores in Visalia over the last month where only about five people out of every thousand wasn't on a cell phone. Trying to find one's way around a new store takes some concentration as it is, but that task is impossible when seven or eight people are talking at once in the same store aisle.

I've even encountered people talking to a friend or relative in the same store, as close as two to three aisles away. I didn't take notes but I image it was something along these lines:

"Heather, come over here in the bra department, you gotta see this new line with cross your heart, under wire and lace. They are just soooo fine and three dollars and nineteen cents cheaper than that other store, By the way, are you going over to Mary's and Ted's tonight? Ted is such a freaky guy I don't care how much money he makes. He's so shallow. I've seen them together and you can't believe how he keeps looking at other girls. Hey girlfriend, if I would've seen my Jerry do that I'd knock his #$%@ing head off."

Jingle Bells. Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way....

While this no-brainer conversation is going on, some other broad is asking her daughter what kind of fast food she should bring home, another young gal is asking about an algebra problem for third period tomorrow and some guy is yakking about how he plans to score after the game tonight.

Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle...

To top that, some mother is calling another mother telling her that her13-year-old daughter had her first monthly and is sooo happy. I gave up the thought of eating lunch in the store's snack bar.

Here I am just trying to find out where the white gym socks are and how the prices compare to the one's I normally buy at another store.

I don't care about any of these jerks problems, thrills or other private facets of their lives. I get really upset when some jackass with a phone stuck in his or her ear, blocks an isle, bumps into me, or pushes their cart with no regard for life or limb.

Remember pholks, I don't hate cell phones. I despise their misuse by the inconsiderate jerks and jerkettes who have no manners and no common sense.

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle...

Since I'm on a roll, let's consider the latest social attack on the decent, considerate, well-mannered and normal members of todays society. The walkie-talkie phone and the picture phone.

Was it not enough to have to constantly listen to asinine one-way conservations in the office, at works, at public events and in stores and restaurants, now we have to hear both sides of asinine conversations. Like standing in line in the bank when the person talking with the teller gets a call on a two-way phone. Something life-threatening like "Pick up some toilet paper on the way home, we're down to using napkins..and don't forget the chocolate chip cookies You pig, you ate the last ones last night."

To which the bank customers and tellers are treated to the response: "Shall I get the scented or unscented, quilted, or non-quilted.. And wait one minute Buster. I only ate seven cookies. You pigged out on the rest. I'll get us some more and some buttermilk too."

As an added reward, those close enough to the person who is blocking the teller from doing her job, the caller and callee have picture phones. We get to see the person who has been using napkins for toilet paper and who ate all those chocolate chip cookies.

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells. Jiggle all the way...

Well, now that's I gotten myself in a frenzy, I think I've got to stop writing. Think I'll go check out the kitchen cabinet for come chocolate chip cookies. And as far as my supply of toilet paper, it's none of your business.

And don't call me. I'm going to play Jingle Bells really, really loud.

After all pholks, it's the season to be damned jolly.

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