Reality Television

Where will this so-called "Reality TV" stuff end?

Or, to put it more "realistically," when will the vast number of gullible TV viewers wake up and smell the secretions of their own stupidity?

Do you really think that "Joe Millionaire" is a $19,000 a year construction worker? He may have done some construction work and was paid at that pay level for a month or two. But the guy has done modeling, maybe some escort (and maybe not for women) and I'm sure he earned more than $19,000 for the network TV gig. If "Joe" isn't really a millionaire, he's damned close now and certainly will be soon.

But the plot of a construction worker pretending to be an heir to a $50 million fortune in an attempt to lure "unsuspecting" beautiful women is good TV. Good for the networks. Good for sponsors. Good for the stupid viewers.

Then there are the upcoming celebrity survivor programs and something about a celebrity "mole" program and several other shows which the networks vow are "reality programing." The "Bachelor" and the "Bachelorette" programs, the class reunion show and at least half a dozen recently announced new summer and fall shows. Even with the sickening Anna Nicole Smith fiasco and the disgusting Osborne's programs TV viewers can't seem to get enough of all the crud. The whole Osborne family is, in my opinion, taking up oxygen which could be used to keep some deserving humans, or animals including four-legged pigs, alive.

By now you pholks should be getting my point about the crap which is overrunning the TV airwaves.

But if you still haven't got it, please consider the new program entitled "Man Against Beast" which I admit to watching for 10 or maybe 12 minutes.

Between clicks of the TV remote I caught several glimpses of what I think was the first episode of this no-brainer program. For about 25 seconds I observed a "race" of sorts between an elephant and, I believe, 50 "small people" or what used to be called midgets. The contest had something to do with whether the "small people" or the elephant could pull a jetliner a certain distance or the fastest. I didn't waste time getting the details or the outcome.

But pholks, I admit I did waste several minutes of my life watching a world class sprinter race first a giraffe then a zebra. The man and the beast raced on parallel tracks separated by a barrier and each dirt track was prepared to give each the best possible traction. Of course the human sprinter had years of experience in starting blocks and knew that the firing of the starting gun was a signal to take off. I don't think the giraffe had ever run in any track meets and there was no one behind him to goose him to take off when the gun fired. It was no contest as the sprinter won by a wide margin and the giraffe kinda went bonkers half way down the course.

Next came the zebra who seemed to be more aware of what was going on. He (or she) showed his (or her) stripes and whipped the sprinter quite easily.

Well, even though I only watched moments of this stupid program, I couldn't help but think of what might make this dumb program premise somewhat appealing. Man verses beast is not a bad idea, but why not make the contest much more realistic. After all, isn't this entertainment frenzy, fad, or whatever, called "Reality TV?"

Make the battle fields more level, more honest and above all, more real. How about pitting one dozen human swimmers in a river or lake with a dozen wild alligators? Big, hungry and mean alligators. That would be a contest.

Or how about one unarmed man and one wild bear each of which had not eaten in a week? They could battle over five pounds of prime rib or several pounds of cooked salmon.

I'm sure there are other contests which would pit man against beast, even though the loser could really end up being a "real" loser. I mean how much regret do you think that giraffe suffered. He, or she, probably didn't get ribbed by his fellow long necks. And whomever won the jetliner-pulling contest, the midgets (er, little people) or the elephant, didn't have too many companions to brag to or cry with.

If producers want to come up with this kind of "Reality TV" stuff, I might catch an episode or two. Unless, of course, they were aired at the same times at network or local news, "Jeopardy" "CSI," "The District." a new History Channel program, "Law & Order" or any breaking story on CNN.

I mean pholks, let's be real.

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