BUT WAIT!!!

I don't get too many chances to watch mid-morning television during the week, so kicking back on Saturday and Sunday mornings should be something to look forward to.

With sports coverage generally not starting until at least noon, the only thing that grabs my lazy weekend attention is the CBS telecast of "Sunday Morning" one of the best programs of the whole week.

CNN's "breaking news" is history by this time so there's nothing to grab me; except a sexy voice asking "do your buns and thighs look like this?" Of course the screen is displaying some stranger's sagging butt cheeks and lumpy thighs. Exactly what I really want to look at on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Of course the next shots are of a well-rounded butt, trim muscular thighs, taut calves and a stomach flatter than a tile floor.

Well pholks, it's nobody's business what my buns and thighs or anything personal looks like, but mine and my wife's. If I want anyone else to know, that's my business and I'll take care of it.

Before I can reach the tv remote, the excited announcer voice says this "Thigh Master" "Butt Firmer" or "Magic Flexer" or whatever the hell is being shown can be mine for three easy payments of $19.95. I chuckle a bit and start to click the clicker when a booming voice rings out "BUT WAIT!!!" The excited voice tells me that if I act right away they (the promoters) will make one of the three payments, leaving me with only two "easy payments of $19.95" plus a money back guarantee... "BUT WAIT–there's more.." I'm then informed that if I don't doddel and respond right now I will receive a free–yes FREE–video tape on how to perform the 65 various exercises on this machine. This is FREE. No extra charge...yes FREE.

Pholks, at this point I've had it. Click. Another local network affiliate with local time to fill.

Here is some guy and gal messing around in a tv studio kitchen with knives. Not just any knives, but knives which can't be dulled. This guy is attempting to "saw" a metal rod then a sheet of quarter-inch stainless steel. The gal is, as they say, "taken aback," that someone would do this intentionally with a good knife. Not to worry, he smiles while grabbing a playing card and slicing it into half a dozen pieces before grabbing a ripe tomato and making several precision slices.

Mr. Knife then, for three minutes without taking a breath, tells the gal (whose buns look familiar) that this knife can't be ruined and can perform dozens of amazing feats. And guess what, pholks, it's only $19.95. One payment of $19.95 (plus shipping and handling, of course).

BUT WAIT!!!, there's more....yes, anyone ordering right away will get six extra knives of various sizes and various "special" uses. Money back guarantee, of course....BUT WAIT... there's more..!!! Order right now and get a knife block...one of those designer knife-holding blocks of wood...ABSOLUTELY FREE.

BUT WAIT...

I can't take it any more...BUT NO, I WON'T WAIT...click.

Another exercise machine. The BOWFLEX...Two, count ‘em, two young lasses with nice ..... and two muscle -bound guys playing "flex the bow." Easy monthly payments of $39.95. It doesn't say how many but easy but your credit card will work. BUT WAIT, there's more. Order now and get a FREE supply of body oil, a money back guarantee, a three-set video of the young lasses with the nice.... and the stud muffin...doing all 237 exercises.

Click.!!

Click!!

Next on the screen are a guy and a young married couple. He is telling them about making thousands of dollars in real estate in three months..buy and sell real estate with no money down..His video tape AND book are only $89 with a money-back guarantee. I can keep the book and tape...WOW!!! ..if I'm not satisfied. BUT WAIT....

Click!

The next exercise machine promotion wants to know if I would like to have that "six-pack" back...the one which used to turn heads on the beach or by the pool.

Well pholks, my six pack days are done. My body six pack is now about two cases and the other six packs haven't been touched in about five years. But let me tell ya, those warm Saturday mornings and afternoons kinda makes a guy recall a few of those old six pack days.

When I mentioned that thought to my beloved wife, she said, "BUT WAIT...there's more....like the yard to be taken care of, the garbage to take out, the laundry to fold...."

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