Golf

Spring makes me happy.

Sunshine, shorts, flowers, baseball, golf, halter tops, freshly mowed grass, baseball, golf, halter tops, sunshine, convertibles, golf, shorts, blossoms, March Madness, baseball, Golden Poppies, short shorts, barbecues and baseball.

All of the above but not necessarily in that order.

Perhaps later this spring we will discuss several of those topics but today I will focus on golf. The fact that I have a real problem in keeping the proper focus during the one hundred plus swings I take each round of the game probably has some correlation to something.

But pholks, I gotta tell ya, I have never been more confident that I will finally break that 100 barrier which has eluded me oh so many years. I may have broken that score years ago but it's been so long I don't remember. Perhaps it was only in my dreams and likely never happened. But I'm sure it hasn't happened in at least 25 years.

For the last 10 to 12 years, at least, I have been working on my game, now playing once a week, if possible. I've come close to the magical score but just about the time I have a good game going, I screw up- big time. A couple good drives, then disaster. Wack a rare 200-yard drive then follow up with three shots totaling l7 yards. No par, no boggie, no double boggie. It's amazing how one or two nines or 10s can ruin a guys score.

The group of guys I play with has developed some personalized rules. One mulligan (a do-over) per nine holes is allowed. Only on a drive. Mulligans can‘‘t be used on a $1 holes (closest to the pin while landing and staying on the green in one shot) and mulligans not used on each nine can not be saved for the second nine. Use it or lose it. Also we allow a "free" tee shot on the first and tenth holes. If two players tie for low score on a hole, it's a carry over and everyone (even me) can "win" that hole (50 cents per hole) by winning the next, or the next, or the next hole.

Although I will not celebrate any sub-100 scores unless all "the group's rules' are followed, I have been tempted to invoke some new rules. They are P.G.A.. rules. Not Professional Golf Association rules, but Pete's Golf Addicts rules.

To appreciate these P.G.A. rules, a brief history lesson is necessary. The organization was founded on Sept. 8, 1987 in Reno. Nev., the site of what became and still is, the Annual Woodlake Classic.

Pete Legakes, a printer by trade and a real golf addict, composed and printed the pocket-sized book of rules. Pete is deceased but his legend, about half of the charter members, the Rule Book along with the Reno outing are still going strong. Charter members of the group are Jim Cavalier, Bill Ferry, Leo Fry, Ralph Heitkotter, Johnnie Jackson, Vic Keller, Bill Ruth, Tom McGee, Hube Wolfe, Ray Lenning, Stan Livingston, Gary Marckstadt, Jim Sunderland, Bob White and Dave Whiteside.

There are eight listed rules in the P.G.A. book, but I will cite only a couple of my favorites.

Rule 1: "A ball rolling or flying into a bunker or sand trap may be played if the player feels he is in need of the practice. If player elects to practice, no strokes other than the first one made in the bunker shall be counted against said player. Should the ball fail to emerge after the making of this first stroke, the faulty design of the bunker is to be deemed aptly demonstrated and the skill of the player should not be penalized for a defect in construction over which he has no control."

Rule 3: "All shots that curve into the rough on the right or left shall be returned to the fairway at the point of light or roll. Since the right or left curvature is frequently an uncontrollable mechanical phenomenon resulting from the friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball, the player shall not be penalized."

Rule 4: "A ball striking a tree while in flight shall be deemed not to have struck a tree unless the player making the stroke declares that it was deliberately aimed for. In this case, play shall cease momentarily while his partners congratulate him on his marksmanship. But if the player attest in good faith that it was not his intention to strike the tree, then it is obviously a piece of bad luck that has no place in a scientific game. No penalty shall accrue to the player, who is therefore permitted to estimate the distance his ball would have traveled and to play the ball from that position."

Rule 5: "There is no such thing as a lost ball. The ball is somewhere on the course and will be picked up eventually and pocketed by a player other than the owner, thus becoming not a lost ball, but a stolen ball.| A player suffering a stolen ball shall be entitled to cries of sympathy from the players who shall gather around him importuning him not to compound this felony by charging himself a with the loss of the stroke..."

Well pholks, if I don't break 100 pretty damned soon, I may be forced to adhere to these rules. As long as my buddies all agree and play by the same rules, all should be fair. Phat chance.

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