February 16, 2005
Remote Control
When my wife suggested a couple of months ago that we should seriously consider switching from cable to a satellite TV I agreed that it was a good idea––as long as the monthly cost was not more than a buck of two more.
Then two things happened. The local cable provider experienced nearly a week of disrupted service. It started on the morning of the NFL playoffs––the two games which would decide who would be going to the Super Bowl. For about a week the cable service in the Woodlake area was in-again, off-again. repeatedly. Our discussion became more serious; and since Kathy's research showed an equal monthly cost between the two systems would provide substantially more channels by making the switch. We agreed to take action in the near future.
Then came the second event, Kathy's birthday. Her daughter and family gave her Dish Network Service.
Well pholks, for about a month now we have been enjoying better TV reception, all digital of course, some new programing and each of us can watch separate programs--something which we could already do, except now I have more sports channels to enjoy.
Everything is great...EXCEPT.
This new system is state of the art. I'm not.
The remote control allows us to instantly record or stop the action, return to "live time" skip commercials, view several channels at one time, preview upcoming programs, set up programming for several weeks in advance and lots of other things I will never even try to do. It probably makes coffee, but I don't drink coffee at home and my wife doesn't touch the stuff. Any guests who want to brew coffee using our remote control can have at it. If they know the secret and can find any coffee in the house.
When the system was installed. the guy gave us each a lesson. My wife got the basics right away. I concentrated on the on-off buttons and how to change channels. In two days, I had those things mastered––sort of. Until I woke up at 4 a.m. (We leave the TV on all-night most of the time) and found a blank screen. My wife tried, gave up and suggested I call the toll-free number to get help. I said I'd do it when I got up in a couple of hours. I tried to go back to sleep, gave up, turned on the light to read for ten minutes, gave up and turned out the light. For about seven minutes. Then I said to myself, "self, why not call right now, after all it's a 24-hour service?" I listened to myself and took my advice. I called and got the answer I needed. Hit the power button and wait 30 seconds, the system needs to be reloaded. I did as instructed and everything was cool. I found something to watch and fell asleep nine minutes later, relaxed and assured that I hadn't screwed things up at all.
But pholks, I gotta tell ya, my progress on the remote control has progressed very little since then. Why, you might ask.
The fact that the remote has 40-plus buttons is the main reason. The fact that those buttons are small and have itsy bitsy words around them is also important. Since I need 1.75 power reading glasses and good light are also prime factors. Average sized fingers and little buttons don't mix.
And since the "Satellite Systems User's Guide" has 166 pages goes to show you what a guy like me is up against. I haven't read one whole page and I don't intent to.
I've learned to reset the system, change the volume and switch to the previous channel. That's really all I need. Of course when my wife comes to bed and takes over the TV if I'm not "involved" in a game or Sports Center, she asks why I'm recording the program. "I'm not," I say. "You are," she says. "I didn't know I was," I say. She hits the right button and the recording that I didn't know I was doing stops.
Even my wife who is not usually tech manual challenged got stumped with this new system. When she tried to retrieve the list of movies she'd scheduled for recording she couldn't locate them. The manual referred her to the "timer" menu choice, but she ultimately learned that the manual is outdated and there are two new avenues for making such an inquiry.
Technology is great. For some pholks.
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