January 19, 2005
Wanted!
WANTED: Married, white male is seeking one-legged (left leg) golfer. Sex and age not important. Color and size is. Must be black and size 8 to 81/2. Exact style is not important, but soft spikes preferred or ability to swap--from metal--is okay. Object sought is golf shoe. Desire: To have two golf shoes.
Perhaps this needs a little explanation, pholks, so here goes.
My buddies and I went golfing in Lemoore last week on a cold, overcast day. I did well and actually had the lowest score of the foursome. Not really low, but lower than Harold, Jim and Bill.
I messed up a couple of times but also had some great (relatively speaking) shots. Even a couple of pars and nearly a birdie. And, I played in my normal, casual sports shoes. No spikes, just ribbed soles.
Somewhere between Harold's Visalia home and the Lemoore Golf Course parking lot my left golf shoe got lost.
I had unloaded my bag and shoes from Jim's truck in front of Harold's house and for a few seconds started to use Jim's brush to clean the mud from my shoes after he had cleaned his. It didn't work too well and seconds later I put my bag and shoes (I'm pretty sure both were there) into Harold's truck.
Upon arrival in Lemoore I grabbed my golf bag and one shoe from the bed of Harold's pickup. I went to pay my fees, get a cart then returned to the truck. I loaded the bag on the golf cart and started to change shoes. The one shoe was on the bumper where I had placed it .when I took it from the truck.
The other, which should have been in the truck bed wasn't there. Despite repeated questioning, my trio of buddies swore nobody had touched anything. We all looked. No left shoe. I gave up and went about my game.
On return to Visalia, we checked Jim's truck, the sidewalk and driveway of Harold's home and even in his shrubbery. We found a beer bottle which some inconsiderate passerby had tossed into the shrubbery but no shoe. Okay pholks, I know you're thinking I'm making a big deal out of a stupid lost shoe. But pholks, there is more to this tale than it appears.
You see, my golf shoes were a birthday present last summer from my wife Kathy. These are not just ordinary shoes. I had hinted that I wanted shoes with no laces, Velcro fasteners if possible. Well, when Kathy tackles a task she takes it seriously. She surfed the Internet but could not find any Velcro golf shoes, at least not in my size. She did find a slip-on model, a Tiger Woods endorsed Nike shoe. I don't know the cost but there were probably more than I would have spent. I have never seen any like them. Great gift. My wife solved the problem once again.
As I said, the golf game went well, but the reality struck when I reported in to Kathy, checking to see if she needed anything at the store before I came home. "Nope, we're fine. How was your game? Did you have fun?" she said. I told her my score and that I had beat all three of the other guys, a rare event. At home I repeated my score and told her about a couple shots I made. Then I broke the news. In response to her obvious question I told the whole story. I got a little bit of a smile, but the good news about my game had lost some edge. So if anyone out there has an appropriate left shoe, I would be willing to make a deal. If not, well I will buy myself some more golf shoes. I will not, however, buy anything really special.
After all, it is easy to explain a lost sock, golf-wise or just any old sock. But rare is the wife who will buy a story about the golf shoe fairy or that I was robbed of one-golf shoe by a three-wood wielding bandit driving a souped-up golf cart.
The above stories are the property of The Valley Voice Newspaper
and may not be reprinted without explicit permission in writing from the
publisher.
