Are You a Turtle?

It's been a lot of years, somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 is my best guess, since I was asked ‘Are You A Turtle?" and it really meant something. If any of you pholks are indeed a "Turtle" you know the answer. If you're not well, it means nothing.

I admit that before I gave up drinking alcohol and I did make the rounds of watering holes on at least a weekly basis. I learned a lot and had a lot of fun. I came up with lots of news stories and lots of other stories. I was a social newspaper reporter and columnist. Admittedly, I became a little too social at least once or twice but that's history. Nevertheless, the "Turtle" issue is one which has a long history and has been the topic of many a social discussion. It still is.

Quite simply, "Turtle" members belong to a drinking fraternity which, according to the Phoenix Masonic Museum, exists in America as a fun and honor group usually within a local lodge or post (such as American Legion of veterans unit).

Before we get much further, I am a proud "Turtle" even though I no longer indulge in some of the "Turtle" rituals which include the consumption of alcohol. Loyalty and trust have always been admirable character qualities as far as I'm concerned and since Turtles are loyal and honest, I still value my membership.

According to my brief research the "Turtles" have their origin in World War II when a group of fighter pilots formed what was a semi-secret fraternity among its squadron's members. Prospective members were put through a mock initiation. With no dues or membership fees, new recruits simply were asked to recruit more members. In some cases dues are collected to pay for membership cards, tie tacs, pins, etc. There has been talk that donations are made to charity, but that apparently depends on individual chapters.

Some details have changed and, according to my research, the initiation rituals and other details are a little different depending on time, circumstances and individuals. The basics remain the same but variations are many.

For instance the names for the fraternity include "The Turtle Club", "Ancient Order of Turtles," "International Turtles Association," and Honorable Order of Turtles" and various combinations of those terms. There are at least a dozen branches of "Turtles" in America. All adhere to the same sign, passwords, grip and some sort of initiation.

Honestly pholks, I don't recall a secret grip or secret membership sign, but it really doesn't matter. I passed the initiation and was accepted. Not one of my greatest accomplishments but still something which I have fun with. I'm proud to be a "Turtle" and proud to admit it.

Some "Turtle" clubs are more formally organized and initiations can be pretty detailed. However, the basic initiation involves a pledge of wanting to join and to vows to follow the rules and keep secrets.

The recruits are asked a series of four sublime but "not vulgar" questions which must be answered to the best of the their ability. "Give you're best, most honest answer" and "don't be shy or embarrassed" are among the terms of advice given the recruits who already have been deemed to be gentlemen and ladies with high moral values and good character. These are the traits, etc. of a "Turtle."

Once the questions are answered and the recruits judged to be eligible for membership, all members and the new "Turtle" or "Turtles"share a toast with an adult beverage to the proud moment. Also, it should be noted that non-members are not to be present during the initiation. After all, this is a semi-secret organization and not something to be taken for granted.

The toast cannot be made, of course, until new members are entrusted with the secret password, grip and whatever by the presiding officer referred to by one of several terms including "Grand Turtle," "Imperial Turtle," "Grand Snapper," or "His Shellness." Although I cannot reveal too much more I must tell you pholks that the most important assumption is that each "Turtle" member, including the newly accepted member owns a donkey of a sweet and kindly disposition (the explanation of this cryptic inquiry (is given to the new member).

The new member told how he or she must answer the inquiry where ever and whenever he or she is asked.

Failure to respond exactly is a "Turtle" sin and can be costly. The penalty is in the form of a round of drinks for all members.

Well pholks, that's about all I can tell you. I used to have a membership card but over the years it went the way of a single sock in the dryer. I do plan on getting a new card or maybe even a pin.

And, if I run into another "Turtle" who screws up his or her answer to "Are You A Turtle?" I will accept a non-alcohol beverage of my choice... and enjoy it with a smile. You can bet on that.

IF YOU THINK THAT IS A BUNCH OF BOLOGNA and you like bologna and like to do good deeds, you should attend the Bologna Sandwich Feed Dec. 1 at the Visalia Elks Club.

The event is The First Ever All Estates Holiday Charity Fundraiser Bologna Sandwich Feed from 11:30 a.m. to 1 p.m.

It's free—sorta. That's because donations will be accepted and funds given to the Tulare County Family Services, Visalia Emergency Aid and the Salvation Army.

The menu is fried bologna sandwiches on soft, fresh white bread with mayo, mustard, purple onions, pickles and lettuce, potato salad and sodas.