Pet Peeves

I want to discuss some updates about a few pet peeves, thorns in my side, things stuck in my craw (I'm not sure I still have one), pains in my rear, my neck and other places too numerous to enumerate.

Pholks, I need to vent, a practice which seems to help when pressure gets to a certain level.

Although there are other peeves I will mention, Barry Bonds and cell phones are atop the venting list this week.

Barry Bonds is great baseball player. Barry Bonds is (a) a jerk, (b) an arrogant jerk, (c) a lying jerk, (d) an absolute horrible role model, (e) a jerk who likely will get what's coming to him, (f) a player who will not finish this Major League Baseball season because of (1) injury, (2) fake injury or (3) criminal indictment for lying.

My best selection is "all of the above."

I don't believe in the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny and I have my doubts about the Great Pumpkin, but nobody can convince me that Barry "unknowingly" consumed steroids or other pump-me-up concoctions over the years. And now he is likely to be indicted before a Grand Jury for not telling the truth. He certainly was not alone in the practice, but the fact is that he is a jerk, a lying jerk, a show off, a San Francisco Giant and one of the most arrogant ball players ever. I predict Barry's fall will make Humpty Dumpty's tumble take a bleacher seat.

Heck pholks, I wouldn't like Barry Bonds even if he were a Los Angeles Dodger. I respect great talent, especially athletic talent. Over the years I have learned to admire some players who were arch rivals to my favorite teams. I rooted against them, but in most cases I admired what they were able to accomplish, even when it hurt my team. Barry's godfather, Willie Mays, was a rival to my team and I rooted against him hundreds of times, but he still won my admiration because he was a good guy and a great player.

And there were others who were great players, but certainly less than perfect. Ty Cobb was a fantastic player but one of the most hated players ever. He was before my time, but I don't think he would have been one of my favorites.

So pholks, with one of my "pains" is about to face the music, I expect things will happen in a week or two.

Now, let's talk cell phones. There was a recent story of a "smell" option being offered to cell phone users. Instead of an obnoxious musical ring, an incoming call can now activate release of a selected fragrance to alert the "call-ee." What a culture. I must admit I have mixed feelings about this new "advancement" in irritation. I do have a very poor sense of smell so I most likely will not be aware of some close-by cell users' incoming calls. But, the fact that I can still hear the conversation, which very seldom is of any consequence, will continue to be an almost unbearable pain for me.

I guess pholks, that my main reason for being so upset is that this is just another step backward in common sense and common scents. Not only are we being assaulted by obnoxious chit-chat, annoying rings, music, etc. Now we (those with super sensitive or even normal senses) will be the target of senseless scents.

Pholks, all I can say is this whole cell phone abuse thing just continues to stink. And so does Barry Bonds.

Miles can be reached at mshuper@valleyvoicenewspaper.com