Poker

Here's the deal. There's nothing like a good poker party.

At least that's the way it used to be. But can you pholks believe what has happened to the game?

Poker has exploded. Millions are playing for millions and every network is dealing (sorry) with some kind of televised event. The Internet is going poker crazy and it's probably as addictive as Internet porn.

Kids, I'm talking grade school, middle school and young adults are skipping snacks and lunch to play poker. Bullies are using their poker skills rather than fists to take away lunch money and allowances.

Pholks, this is not your father's poker game nor your mother's.

Harrah's currently is backing the world's richest poker tournament in Las Vegas at its Rio All-Suite Hotel and Casino, for the second straight year. No nickels, dimes and three-raise limits for these players. Last year the World Series and its 45-events generated 32,341 player entries and more than $106 million in gross prize money. I didn't see an accounting of beer consumed, peanut shells on the floor, how many boxes of Ritz crackers and Wheat Thins, or how much salami was consumed, but it was a bunch. Anyhow, when all was finally settled, Joseph Hachem of Melbourne, Australia walked away with $7.5 million. It is not known if he scheduled any future Friday night games at his house, but he could afford the popcorn and Foster's Lager.

Pholks, I admit to having watched big-time poker over the last couple of years, even a few of the continuous reruns on ESPN, but I haven't been bitten by the poker bug, cashed in my aluminum can recycling stash, and headed out for Vegas or any other, including local, poker showdowns.

But I'm considering getting together with some local pholks and having a good old weekend poker game females included, as long as they have their own money.

I want to be able to play dealer's choice and see how good I am at “spit in the ocean,” “five-card stud with one-eyed jack's wild,” maybe “Chicago,” “Baseball” or “Indian Poker” where you hold up one card at a time to your forehead, face out. And “No Peeky” and “Low-Ball” were always good for a few hands, along with “Acey-Ducey.” Of course I don't play for more than a 25-cent per bet limit with a three-raise limit. And, unless there is someone exceptional and female and inexperienced playing, I no longer will play strip poker. And only with a permission slip from my wife. The prospects of both circumstances happening are slimmer than drawing to a three-card inside straight.

Poker games are part of our culture and maturity of the American male. I have some pretty good memories of some pretty good games. College and the military are natural forums for poker. I didn't serve in the military but I experienced lots of things in college, including poker.

I recall going to see the 1965 film classic, “The Cincinnati Kid,” with my college roommates and a couple of buddies and watching Steve McQueen (Eric Stoner, the title character) the up-start challenge the master Edward G, Robinson (Lancey Howard) in the eventual high-stakes showdown. Ann Margaret, Karl Malden, Tuesday Weld, Rip Torn, Cab Calloway and Joan Blondell (Lady Fingers) were among the great cast.

The film had an impact ending and it sent us home to launch a poker game which lasted until after 3 a.m. I remember using my green blanket, an ersatz felt tabletop, to give us the feel of a big-time playing surface. We might even have used the term “world championship” in our game, but I wouldn't bet on that. We did take turns playing the roles of “The Kid” and “Lancey.”

I can't remember if I won or lost that week's beer allowance, but either way I survived.

My first few years in Visalia included a weekly traveling poker event which was a lot of fun. I haven't played too often lately but wouldn't mind getting up a game or two. No ESPN coverage and no $10,000 buy-in.

So pholks, if you've got a jar or sock full of coins and enjoy diet soda or O'Douls, Sharps or maybe something a little more exciting, good popcorn, and a few Ritz crackers and Kraft sharp cheddar cheese, give me a call and get ready to ante up.

Miles can be reached at mshuper@valleyvoicenewspaper.com