Well Pholks

Several times this last weekend I found myself in discussions regarding my long-time use of pholks and, as always, I endured the ribbing of not knowing how to spell.

As has been the case for more than 30 years, I go along with the good-natured teasing and choose one of my six or eight standard responses to the use of the term which has been my affectation and trademark.

While relaxing in the recliner with nothing exciting on the TV, I got to thinking what would happen if everyone started PH for words beginning with F. Needless to say, pholks, this was a hot day with nothing to do outside, nothing on the tube, and I needed a respite from the mystery novel I've been reading. This was not, by any stretch, a major important thought process. I was letting the ol' brain have a little “phun” since it had been working hard the previous week.

How would pholks response to calling the FBI the PHBI, or referring to mysterious items as UPHOs or our national agency overseeing aviation as the PHAA?

Would students with memberships in an agricultural organization be pleased with being referred to as PHPHAers?

And would calendars take on a little more excitement with the new spelling of Phebruary and Phriday?

Would school bullies be less combative if they were termed to be involved in phist phights or phisticuphphs?

And how much phun would it be to read on the TV screen that after a penalty, the Phorty Niners or the Raiders faced a phirst and phifteen from the phorty? Would phlag phootball still be as phun?

Phrankly pholks, my brain was being pheisty and phull of phantasy.

Would appliance makers go along with the deal and advertise their phrost-phree refrigerators or phront-loading washing machines?

Would truckers be offended if they had to drive Phreightliners and would Phord owners phind it phar too silly to be seen in their PH150 pickups?

Would your close buddies or long-time acquaintances mind being called your phriend? How would your best gal or guy like being referred to a boy phriend or girl phriend?

Would Phrosted Phlakes, Phrench Phries, or a juicy medium rare philet have the same appeal? A phresh phruit bowl would look the same but maybe it wouldn't look so good on the menu.

And how would a young lady feel about shopping for a phormal for the big school dance or being asked to go out on a date to a place pheaturing 31 phlavors?

Would a baseball player be just as happy phouling off several pitchers before phinally being awarded phirst base in the phifth inning of a phour to phour tie?

Would you still want to phloss your teeth and would you be phrustrated when you couldn't find a way to phocus on your homework assignment?

Phinally pholks, the ballgame came on the TV and I was jolted back to reality but not before I came to the conclusion that I won't phool around with anymore phriggin' words and just leave well enough alone.

Miles can be reached at mshuper@valleyvoicenewspaper.com