“These are the times that try men's souls”

“These are the times that try men's souls.”

And even those women who really love sports would find their souls being tried.

Thomas Paine's famed words related to the plight of the American revolutionists, but I bet you pholks he would have said the same thing today if he was a sports fanatic – and had radio and television.

Just stop and think, pholks, how trying these times really are. Right off the bat, we have Major League Baseball getting into full swing, we have just finished March Madness, pro basketball team are shooting for playoff berths, NASCAR is at full speed complete with new teams, drivers swapping sponsors, paint jobs and verbal jabs, the Masters is about to tee off and college football spring practice is gearing up. NFL teams are swapping players while jockeying for draft positions and the Olympic torch is already lit (and hopefully still aflame despite protesters attempts to douse it). Hockey teams are trying to ice their chances for the Stanley Cup at the same time horses and jockeys are being groomed for the Derby. All this puts a strain on even the most devoted sports enthusiasts.

With great weather, the beckoning of yard work, gardens to be planted, yard sales to organize, household spring cleaning, cars to wash, the coast waiting to be visited, wives making honey-do lists and husbands finding excuses, the times are trying.

Even for those who don't give a rat's backside for sports, the months of March and April during an election year are especially stressful.

The current presidential campaign is in so many ways like sports it is frightening. Coffee shops, lunch stops, the office water cooler and bar-grills can be comedic and confusing, as well as entertaining.

Trying to keep score and up-to-date in any of the above mentioned topics (baseball, hockey, football, golf, etc.) and election campaigns is probably the best example.

Armed with a fully-charged TV remote control, a generally normal viewer can certainly be excused for being spaced out.

Does a score of 45 to 41 refer to the Democratic nominee battle, the Spurs and Mavs at the half, the odds for the Sharks and the Kings to make the Stanley Cup finals, or the estimated delegates at stake in next Tuesday's primary?

“He's just a little under par” would be good news for Tiger Wood, Phil Michelson, or for Fred Couples, but not too good for John McCain or Barack Obama.

“He made a great pitch” can mean Brad Penny is on target against a batter or it could refer to Bill Clinton is at bat for his presidential candidate wife, Hillary.

“She's right on target” might refer to that Clinton woman during a campaign speech or it could refer to the college basketball guard hitting a three-pointer during the national finals game.

“It looks like icing” is a play-by-play call at a hockey game or extra points on an already decided political debate.
“It's in the hole” means Tiger has sunk another great putt or somebody's campaign is in serious financial or political trouble.

“They're in the home stretch,” of course, can be a Derby call or near the end of a primary campaign.

And of course there will always be the calling of “foul,” be it in baseball, basketball, football, soccer or campaigning.

And you can take your choice when the phrase “it's up for grabs” floats through the TV or radio speakers.

I could go on and on with this stuff, but hopefully you get the point. If you don't, then you don't care about sports or politics.

That certainly doesn't make you a bad person. Maybe a little less frustrated than the rest of us, but not a bad person.

That might account for the smug look on your face.

Miles can be reached at mshuper@valleyvoicenewspaper.com