I've Given In

I've given in.

Yep pholks, for the past two months I have been using a cell phone.

Granted, my knowledge of knowing how to use it is very limited, but I can answer it and more times than not, get to whom I am attempting to connect.

I have my wife's old cell and she has a new one and somehow or other we can talk several times a day with no problem. Since she had a lot of stuff programmed into the itsy bitsy contraption, I am, as they say these days, “good to go.” We're on some kind of family plan so we aren't charged for calling one another or whoever is on our network.

My daily use of this device is still a work-in-progress but I'm making advances most of the time. But before I go any further I need to make something clear: I don't hate cell phones, in fact I think they are great when properly and sparingly used. My cell, even with my limited knowledge of how to run it, is a great help. I just can't stand their stupid, inconsiderate, useless, dangerous and rude uses and users.

My phone has a lot of features, 93 per cent of them I have no clue what they are or how to use them. That is likely to change just a bit, but probably only a few percentage points. Teaching me how to maneuver all those functions is about as useless as attempting to teach me how all those buttons on the remote control to my satellite TV service work. On and off and return to previous channel have been my limit and unlikely to improve.

I do know that my phone can take pictures because I have done it. Never intentionally, mind you, but it has happened several dozen times. And somehow, I managed to delete most all of them. The general rule, as well as I can determine it, is if you push enough keys, you accomplish your mission. The pictures, I trust, are gone or at least hiding somewhere. After all, who needs pictures of the carpet, the closet door, the inside of my pants pocket, a tree limb or the palm of my hand?

Unless I come face to face with Big Foot, ET, an alien space ship, Elvis or Jimmy Hoffa, I can think of no reason to use my cell phone camera. I only need to give or get information as quickly, conveniently and briefly as possible. Calls over two minutes, unless they are to or from my wife, are, for the most part, a waste of time. And I have been ever faithful to my wife in her admonition that I am not to use the cell while driving. Of course, I have used it in the vehicle, but only when parked or as a passenger. If it rings while I'm behind the wheel, I call back when not driving. One of the functions I don't fully understand but usually can operate, allows me to respond to the most recent caller. I can generally do that, but I still think there is some little being or creature in that phone who somehow arranges words on that little screen so I can read it.

Another function I have, I believe, is games. I don't have a lot of hobbies or compulsive habits but I do “have a life,” so I haven't had to resort to my phone to occupy my time. Perhaps the time will come and I will find someone who can assist me in “game play” mode, but I don't expect that situation to arise any time soon.

I know that my cell is nothing really fancy and state-of-the art and that is just great. I could select a new ring tone, if I was lucky enough to figure out how to pick one, but I can tolerate the one I have. It certainly isn't close to being as obnoxious as most.

As time goes by, I probably will make more and more use of this now-aged device even though I doubt I will fully use it to its maximum potential. I do well in remembering to take it with me most of the time. Since I'm not sure how to silence the ring or shut the thing off, I lock it in my vehicle when I go to meetings, the movies or places where it should not be used.

And, since I have made such a big deal about cell phone abuse in public places I make it a point to go outside whenever possible to answer or place a call.

I also try hard to keep a low profile while on the cell due to reactions I already have encountered by pholks who point, chuckle or make comments about my being on the cell.

To them I say, “Hello, my name is Miles and I'm a cell phone user.”

Miles can be reached at mshuper@valleyvoicenewspaper.com