My Inbox

If you pholks have a computer and don't have all the bells and whistles to screen all the junk, spam, garbage, scams, etc. pouring in day by day, you probably are familiar with the kind of stuff that comes in daily, especially over the weekend.

At least twice a day as I scan my in-box, I see things which never cease to amaze me due to their stupidity, absurdness or the fact that so many people think I'm really as stupid or more so than they are. Surely, some “are” that stupid, but I'm insulted to be lumped in that group. Since I believe my IQ is in the three-digit level, but not a genius, (yet) maybe not a rocket scientist but can spell rocket without being spotted any letters, this e-mail stuff pulls my chain.

Reluctantly, I have to admit I can make some use of this crapola—like turning it into column fodder.

I've played with the scam artists who want to give me $107 million from a bank account of a deceased husband of a dying widow from some remote African republic with the promise that I can keep 60 percent, etc. Of course, I didn't go too far to be taken advantage of, just a nibble to arouse interest of the scam artist.

The messages in the title memos are getting more creative, I must admit, but with very few exceptions, I avoid them and send them to the trash file—which gets pretty darned big at times.

Things like, “Hey, nice to talk to you this week” or “Long time no talk,” “Remember me..?” and “Hey, why haven't you replied?” do make me pause for a second or two racking my memory to determine if I promised somebody yesterday I would contact them for work or personal reasons. There are very few days when I don't talk with or say howdy to pholks whom I probably should know but don't immediately recall. Knowing lots of pholks, even casually, is a reward for my years on the job but does have pitfalls.

One thing which readily identifies junk e-mail is the spelling and grammar. I'd say at least half is created by idiots, and the “other half” is generated by uneducated drones.

The following is a prime example of what I get (as written):

“Even CEOs consult us. Bacheelor, MasteerMBA, and Doctoraate diplomas available in the field of your choice that's right, you can even become a Doctor and receive all the benefits that comes with it!
Our Diplomas/Certificates are recognized in most counties. No required examinations, tests, classes, book, or interviews.
**No one is turned down
**Confidentiality assured.”

Sure pholks that's what I really need are “Bacheelor, MasteerMBA and Doctoraate diplomas.”

That sure would impress someone looking at me for a $150,000 to $200,000 a year job or as a consultant. Even if I received a job that good because of those impressive credentials, would I even consider working for someone so stupid, dumb, ignorant or weird to hire someone as dumb as me.

But maybe I'm looking at this whole thing wrong. The person (or whatever) is creating this crapola and sending it out by the hundreds of thousands or even millions, likely is making a whole bunch more money than I am.

It's a terrible and frightening thought, but likely true.

Miles can be reached at mshuper@valleyvoicenewspaper.com