Trillions

If you pholks think a billion is a lot, what about a trillion?

That's the word always bantered around when federal budgets and deficits come up for discussion.

Personally, I have never had any reason to deal with that word other than making wise cracks about the government and the national debt. Just to get things straight, one trillion is 1 followed by 12 of those zero things. Almost too many to jot down on your check register and really tight in the amount line on your check.

There aren't many practical uses for the term. There are a few billionaires around but I don't think I've ever heard or read about anyone described as a trillionaire. And it's a pretty solid assumption that if such a person existed, he or she would have been in the media spotlight in some fashion.

With acknowledgement to someone named Marshall Brain (that's how it is listed), here are a couple of facts. The average dollar bill is approximately a tenth of a millimeter thick so it takes about 250 bills to equal an inch. Stacked on each other, one trillion dollar bills would total about 4 billion inches in height. Using my abacus, I computed that to 65,000 miles, roughly one quarter the distance to the moon.

Because I have a problem with tall places and never have been comfortable on a ladder, I would not take that job, even for a billion dollars. Plus, at my age, it's highly unlikely I could even get a decent start on the job. Besides, just think how much tension would be generated worrying about the stack falling over. Building a framework to stabilize the stack would be a major task all by itself.

Another comparison is the laying out of a trillion one buck bills end to end, a distance from earth to the sun. Of course, that job would best be done at night, especially in the summer time in the northern hemisphere. That end-to-end chain would stretch from the earth to the moon back 200 times. Just think of how great a view that would be, especially during coffee breaks or lunch!!!

For something a little more plausible, consider this one: Assuming the average cost of a new car is $20,000, a trillion bucks could buy 50 million new cars. With roughly 100 million households in this great country, every other household would have a new car. And wouldn't it be terrific that all those getting the new cars would be required to give their “old” ones to those who didn't get a new one?

Now here's another example which is astounding not only in fact, but that some individual thought this one up: It would take a military jet flying at the speed of sound, reeling out a roll of dollar bills behind it, 14 years before it reeled out one trillion dollar bills.

It just makes me think just how “cool” it would be to have the job of coming up with examples of what makes up a trillion.

SPEAKING OF JOBS, Assistant Tulare County Assessor-Clerk Recorder Roland Hill was back after a day off last week, on April 1, April Fools Day.

Although he was scheduled for the day off, Hill fooled his boss, Assessor Gregg Hardcastle and the rest of the department by clearing out all his personal items Tuesday night, saying nothing to nobody.

The 30-year county veteran who admits he has a somewhat different sense of humor in a department not known for much non-serious behavior, pulled off probably the best local office April Fools joke of 2009.

Hardcastle and County Executive Officer Jean Rousseau hadn't a clue and were at a loss to what might have prompted the unannounced walk out. It wasn't until late in the afternoon that Hill telephoned the office to say “April Fool.” He had to use the telephone because the alert staff had already changed passwords to ensure computer system security.

There were some ruffled feathers in the county administration, but things have calmed down this week.
That, Hill said, points to the alertness of the staff when the unexpected happens.

Hardcastle admitted it took him a day or so to get back on track after the shock which ran through the office. Hill says he still has some personal office items in the trunk of his car. Hill says he had no idea how much “stuff” he had in the office and that some of it won't come back. “My office actually looks a lot better now,” he said this week.

Miles can be reached at mshuper@valleyvoicenewspaper.com