'Twas the Night Before Christmas

Well pholks, here we go again with an update on what to expect sometime during Christmas Eve:

‘Twas the night before Christmas
When all through the house
Everyone inside felt trapped, even the mouse.
Stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
But no fire was allowed, it might foul the air.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
iTunes, text messages and twitters dancing in their heads.
My wife in her Snuggie and I in my cap,
Worn out 'cause we'd both missed our nap.

Then out on the lawn there arose such a fuss
I leaped out of bed, repressing a cuss.
Away to the window I attempted to dash
Stumbling and tripping, my toes I did smash.

The moon on the breast of rare falling snow
I wasn't prepared for the upcoming show.
When what to my bleary eyes did appear,
But a mini sleigh equipped with GPS gear.

With a little weird driver, so chubby and thick
I figured it must be that old St. Nick.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
And he twittered to them, each by their name.

'Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer!, Now, Prancer and Vixen!
On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall,
Look out for the satellite dish, dash away all.”

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricanes fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to house top the coursers they flew
Pulling that contraption and St. Nicholas, too.

And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
My shingles being crushed by each little hoof.
As I drew in head and was turning around,
Down the cold chimney St. Nick came with a bound.

He was dressed all in faux fur from this head to his foot,
And his clothes were a mess from last year's soot.

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
I thought he was a thief, or some guy on crack.
His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry
His cheeks were like rose, but man was he scary!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And his beard filled with soot looked like dirty snow
The stump of a pipe was held tight in his jaws,
And what he was smoking gave reasonable cause.

He had a broad face and, like me, a bit of a belly
That jiggled and swayed like a quart of jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw, he looked like myself.

A wink of his eyes and twist of his head
Soon gave me a hint, this is not a guy to dread.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
Filling all the stocking before turning with a jerk

And laying his fingers aside his sooty nose,
He gave a nod and up the cold chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew fast as a missile.
.
But I heard his shout as he zoomed out of sight,
“Made it again, but I hate driving at night.”