Fall

Fall, so named for leafs which do and golf putts which don't, is here.

There it is, my annual ode to the “pretty colored leafs” and harvest festival season, also known as football and World Series season and the days of growing shadows.

But wait pholks, what the heck is going on? Something is terribly wrong. Record-setting temperatures with the mercury dancing in the glass tubes past the 100 degree mark, not just one day but for most of two weeks, isn't supposed to happen.

Sure, it happens once in a while for a day or two every couple of years, but not like this.

Don't get me wrong. I like warm weather and can still handle a few hot days. I detest cold weather and having to wear a lot of clothes. I prefer colorful sweaters and an occasional long-sleeved shirt. Jackets are for wimps unless it is really raining hard, brass monkeys, Yukon well diggers and witches are suffering.

But again I ask what the heck is going on? Where are those brisk mornings and milder temperatures and those smells which are unique to this time of year?

With 100-plus temperatures and records being broken right and left. I tell you pholks, things are just not right. I want a recount. Call Willard Scott.

Call Angelo Stalis. Call A.J. Fox. Call someone. I want a recount. I request a do-over.

Yeah, I know this week is supposed to be different than the last two. A big change is coming is the message all those weather guys and gals are saying. My bet is that it will cool off this week for just a bit but we'll get some more 90 to 100 days in the next week or two.

I ain't tossing my short pants in the bottom drawer. Too many strange things have been happening with Mother Nature. She's acting like Julia Child after crafting her third batch of rum cake dough.

I checked the calendar and the pictures are OK and the numbers seem to be right, but things just seem too unusual.

If it were just a few extra hot days, I could understand. But pholks, I seem to recall that these weird weather situations have been more or less the norm lately.

I don't really blame the situation on this so-called global warming thing, although there are some genuine scientific facts involved. Some places on the globe actually are getting colder and don't fit the high-tech spread sheet of predictions which a universal global warning would create. I love science and consider myself a realist. We certainly do need to take better care of our planet than we have the last four or five decades.

Taking all those factors into consideration, I have my own take on what the heck is going on with the climate and such. I will give my answer to my own question.

I think the people who screwed up the economy and threw the world into economic turmoil are the ones who messed up the weather. Too many of those phat cats got their paws in the global climate catnip jar and while trying to manipulate the world's weather for financial advantages got it tangled up with their monetary schemes and messed up everything.

Sure pholks, I know it looks like I've lost it and have gone off the deep end. So you think my idea is too far-fetched and I should be put in one of those homes?

Well, just you wait and see. I may not be totally correct in my theory, but you just go ahead and come up with one which makes more sense. I dare you.

In fact, I double dare you.

But please don't say, “Just don't sweat it,” because I think we all will have to, at least until after Thanksgiving.

Miles can be reached at mshuper@valleyvoicenewspaper.com