Cleaning Off My Desk

Cleaning out an office desk after more than 20 years is not an easy task but it certainly can be an adventure like no other.

With an office move pending, the desk emptying chore was a necessity. I knew there was lots of “stuff” stuffed into drawers and in piles atop the desk, but I defy any of you pholks to remember even half of what you have tucked away in your office or home desks or other handy hidey-holes.

I didn't find Jimmy Hoffa, yet, but the variety of stuff simply is amazing. I admit I knew a lot of things which I had kept would have little if any real value down the line. I also admit knowing that at least 80 percent of what anyone keeps in a desk or elsewhere is never used again. But if a person knew what to toss and what to stash away they could rule the world or anything else. That person could earn hundreds of millions of dollars selling such services and would never have to sit at a desk again. He or she could hire as many people needed to handle business.

I know certain things are in my desk somewhere but I haven't needed to hunt them down, a sure indication of their actual importance. Other items basically are keepsakes or things which I long ago decided someone would want to see or have. I found a couple of those and now have “stuffed” them away for save keeping. I plan on making a list of those items and “stuff” it somewhere for quick access.

Among the “keepers” was a copy of a 1977 column which included an ink drawing of me, one of the half dozen or so pictures or drawing used over the 40 or so years I've been Around. Years ago I looked that specific column up for the person I wrote about who had shown me his copy. I made a cleaner duplicate and “stuffed” it away for safe keeping. It still is safe. Another keeper is a copy of a notice from the local traffic court warning me that I owed one cent for a ticket I actually had paid for.

The court had paid probably two or three dollars to send me a mistaken notice that I owed the penny and that I could be subject to an arrest warrant if I didn't pay up. When I checked with the court they said don't worry, Mr. Shuper, you don't owe the penny and no warrant will be issued. How could I be sure if I was stopped by a cop for a minor infraction he or she wouldn't find an outstanding warrant on file, I asked. Not to worry, the court clerk said, “that won't happen, trust me,” the court official assured me noting a computer glitch was at fault. When told the problem had been going on for at least six months and not resolved, I requested written confirmation. I can't remember if I got it, but no warrant has shown up. The caper did, however, make for an interesting column with a public service theme.

If anyone you know needs “The Amazing Spider-Man 4-in-one Light Up Bubble Pen,'' batteries included, let me know. I'm sure it was a gift for some reason or other but it hasn't been opened and is for ages 6 and above. It is free.

I also uncovered a series of color photos of Los Angeles Dodger players which I believe are from the 1981 season. It's going to be a down to the wire decision whether to keep or toss photos of Jorge Orta, Terry Forster, Jerry Reuss and Mark Belanger. I know I'll keep Steve Garvey, manager Tom Lasorda and announcer Vin Scully. Make me an offer on the others.

The vast majority of treasures have been disposed of but there are still a few last minute decisions I will have to make.

Should I keep a 1990 annual report for an agency which no longer exists? How about those two-for-one coupons with no expiration dates for fast-foot items which may or may not still be trendy?

I am keeping files on several potential investigative leads for crime cases which continue to be on the “cold case” list but a couple of key pages are somewhere in one of the still un-emptied drawers.

And, pholks, I need to check all of those old business cards and jotted down telephone numbers. One of them still could contain a link to Mr. Hoffa. And would that ever be a story?