As just about every study nowadays indicates, there is a passel and more of available single women over 45 than there are footloose men in this country. That is to say there simply are not enough single men to go around and thus many a woman finds herself condemned to leading a life of bingo, working crossword puzzles, knitting and crocheting, so-called “hen parties,” grandchildren-sitting and other boring pursuits, poor dears.

How did this come about? Well, through divorce mainly; although there have been entirely too many instances of males, poor things, having worked themselves to the bone and reached the point they are too pooped to poop; while others are playing the field so to speak, racing from lounge to lounge in search of prey; and of course quite a few are in jail.

Anyhow, countless thousands of women every night – after the last number is in its proper place in their Sudoku puzzle book and deprived of lying in the protective and loving arms of a husband – cry themselves to sleep, poor dears.

Alas, as Lord Byron penned almost three hundred years ago:

My days are in the yellow leaf;
The flowers and fruits of love are gone;
The worm, the canker, and the grief
Are mine alone.

Not very long ago, it fell my fortune to sit at a table next to, and for want of another name, I shall call a “hen party,” a group of about 10 women I would guess to be in the 35-65 age category – obviously all single but looking – and discussing at some length what one might expect at such a gathering: men, or the lack of ones worthy of them.

“I am sick and tired of men I've been meeting lately,” said one, “their idea of taking a woman out to dinner is ordering on the cheap, from the Senior's Menu at Denny's or from Taco Bell. One even suggested that we pick up our food at the drive-through and then park at the rear of a vacant building across the street and get acquainted. And his idea of 'getting acquainted' was trying to feel me up.”

Another woman concurred, saying she was looking for a nice retail businessman who knows how to wine and dine a woman.

“I just hate smelly men who haven't shaved or changed clothes in a week, drive battered old pickup trucks and whose idea of a night on the town is Motel 6, so I too am on the look-out for a retail man, banker, stockbroker or someone of that professional or semi-professional ilk.”

Obviously neither of these women have read the following survey dealing with the probability of such men being good marriage prospects, to wit:

1. Stationers look good, but only on paper.

2. Bankers are of little note and check them out because they may be of little account.

3. Shoe store retailers sometimes turn out to be soleless heels.

4. Many stock brokers come up short.

5. All that undertakers think about are his and hearse.

6. Many newspaper reporters will not do write by you.

7. Cab drivers just want to take you for a ride.

8. Forget magicians. All they think about are tricks.

9. Don't steak your future on a butcher regardless of his bull.

10. Automobile salesmen? Well, never let them talk you into making a deal in the back seat.

Obviously, far and away the best male prospects for single women are old cowboys and ranchers because they are outstanding in their field.

(Comments to the author at valleyfox@accessbee.com.)