Retired, a widower, lonely
and often at wit's end, frequently I ask my cat on awakening, “What's
It All About, Lady Bug?” and her soft blue eyes look at me as if apologizing
for not knowing the answer and then romps outside as she sees a robin light
on the patio fence.
I do not seem to know anything anymore,
except to get up in the morning and go to bed at night with the day interspersed
with visits to places in town and surrounding countryside that I've visited
a hundred times.
I once thought about moving to New York
City where I would never run out of new places and things to see, but I'm
afraid my Stimulus Package money would run out in two or three weeks and
then what? Probably I would end up being a plastic bottle and aluminum can
scavenger and live in an alley or sewer to afford my morning gruel.
Perhaps you've noticed that one of the
most discussed subjects around town nowadays is what people plan to do with
their Stimulus Package money that Mr. Bush is sending us to spend to get
the American economy off its knees.
Sitting on a bench in front of a barber
shop the other morning, an acquaintance who local folks look upon as “the
town drunk,” (and from the looks of his beard and rumpled clothing
likely had spent the night in the jailhouse) asked me how I intended to
spend my upcoming Stimulus Package money to help bolster the national economy
and I replied that I had really not thought much about it.
“What are you going to do with
yours?” I asked.
“I'm going to the city and stay
drunk for two weeks,” he said.
For a moment I wondered just how much
that would stimulate anything, including his brain. But on second thought,
he'd have to buy gasoline to get there, but then I'm not certain just which
country that would stimulate. But I suppose in a minuscule way he'll be
helping Jack Daniel's Distillery workers and the nation's barley growers,
although the latter will be depleted of some grain to make ethanol.
Because it is a rather interesting question
how folks intend to spend their Stimulus money, I spent part of the week
querying folks around town.
A fellow standing in front of a travel
agency told me he was taking his whole wad ($1,200) and boarding a steamship
sailing for the Mexican Riviera and lie in the sand, learn how to cha-cha
and have a roaring good time.
“How about your wife, isn't she
going?” I asked.
“Nah,” he said, “she
sunburns too easy. Anyhow, somebody has to hold the fort down while I'm
gone. But I promised to take her to a football game or boxing match this
fall if we ever get another Stimulus check.”
A middle-aged woman told me that her
husband and her are going to spend their Stimulus money vacationing in Canada.
Here are other answers on how other locals
are going to spend their Stimulus checks to help get the U.S. economy out
of the doldrums:
“Make a down payment on a Japanese-made
car that looks like a shoe box but gets good gas mileage.”
“Oh boy,” said a tired-looking
woman of about 35, “I'm going to hire a lawyer and file for divorce
against the no-good bum I married.”
A man in his mid 60s told me: “I
saw an ad in a travel magazine the other day that said: If you are an older
gentleman looking for a young woman, come to the Philippine Islands. And
that's how I'm going to spend my Stimulus money. And man oh man, am I going
to be stimulated!”
“This Stimulus money is really
a God-send to us,” said a middle-aged couple. “We have been
on Welfare for seven years. We're going down to Santa Rita Beach in Mexico
and it could last us a year or more if we live on tacos and beans. Then
when the Stimulus money is all gone, we'll come home and go back on Welfare.
Wow, is this a great country or is this a great country!”
“I'm heading to Tijuana with my
Stimulus money and stock up on Cialis and Viagra,” said a young, footloose
fellow ogling women from a mall bench.
An elderly couple sitting in a café
thought at some length about what they will do with their $1,200 Stimulus
Package to help the faltering American economy. “Probably,”
said the woman, “we will send it to our niece to help her get through
the last year at the University at Vancouver, British Columbia where she
is majoring in Hieroglyphics.”
Well, this has me pondering on what I'm
going to do with my $600 Stimulus check and at the moment, I'm leaning toward
joining that fellow going to the Philippine Islands.
Comments: vallefox@accessbee.com.
