‘I’ll Call You’

“I’ll call you” must be three of the most misunderstood words in the English language.

You just never know what someone means when they say, “I’ll call you.”

You don’t know if it means that the person will call you or not.

Sometimes, “I’ll call you” is a polite way of saying, “I won’t call you, but I’m too polite to say that I won’t.”

Other times, when someone, especially if he’s a guy, says “I’ll call you,” he may mean it at the time and then change his mind for some reason or other. Either he’s gotten back together with his girlfriend, met someone else or just sobered up.

Of course, he can’t call you up to tell you that he’s changed his mind about calling, otherwise he would be calling.

Sometimes people really do have the best intentions when they say they’re going to call. But then they get busy or forget and don’t call. Then they feel guilty and they still don’t call. And the longer they don’t call, the guiltier they feel, and the more they don’t call.

What I really don’t understand about people not calling is when you meet someone who says to you, “This was the greatest night of my life. I can’t believe I met you. You are the most incredible person, ever. I’ll call you first thing tomorrow morning.”

And then he doesn’t call the next day or the day after that.

My first thought is always that he lost my number. Then I think, well if he was really enterprising, he’d look it up in the phonebook.

Then I think, he must have left a message on my answering machine while I was out and I didn’t get it because my machine messed up and now he thinks I don’t like him because I haven’t called him back.

Then a new thought comes to mind: maybe he doesn’t like me. I usually dismiss that thought right away and draw the next logical conclusion: he must be dead. Immediately, I feel compelled to call him to see if he’s ok. And when I do, he cheerily answers the phone.

“Oh, hello. I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I’ll call you tomorrow, I promise,” he says.

Relieved, I hang up, having unwittingly set myself up for the same situation tomorrow when he doesn’t call again.

I used to get so fed up with this dilemma of people not calling, that I once get rid of my phone. Then I really didn’t get any calls.

Eventually, you have to trust someone and give out your number. I did this not too long ago, and of course the guy didn’t call.

When I ran into him in the parking lot, he said to me, “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t call. I was really busy and I forgot, and I couldn’t get to a phone…Oh, well, I’m sure a guy has done this to you before.”

“Well yes, he has,” I said. “I wish you would give me your number, so I could do the same thing to you.”

So, he gave me his number and I said, “Ok, don’t call me and I won’t call you.”

And it worked out pretty well—well, pretty well, sort of.

(Readers can e-mail Lisa at lisal@thegrid.net.)