Airplane Etiquette-Wrestling for the Armrest

It seems that for almost every kind of social conflict that arises in life, there are certain kinds of etiquette that people follow:

• If someone cuts you off in traffic, you can honk and try to cut them off in return.

• If you're drunk at a bar and someone looks at you the wrong way, you can start a bar fight.

• If you're an Air Force pilot and a pilot from an enemy country flies into your airspace, you can simply shoot him down.

But the question that arises out of what to do on an airplane when the person sitting next to you is an “armrest hog” has always been a difficult dilemma to solve.

Those people, who don't usually have the privilege of flying first class with its wide, roomy armrests, know what I'm talking about when I say “armrest hog.” They know what it means to struggle with trying to divvy up a skinny three-inch armrest (actually designed for one person) with a total stranger.

There are different kinds of “armrest hogs.” There are the kind who lay their arm directly over the armrest, making it impossible for you to get the slightest little bit of room. Then, there are the people who battle with you in direct elbow-to-elbow contact over every inch of space.

Then, there are the more serious kind of armrest hogs who not only drape their arms over the entire armrest area, but actually go so far as to leave an elbow sticking out a few inches over the armrest into what is clearly, clearly your personal space. This problem is further exacerbated if you're one of those unfortunate sods sitting in the center of the row between two professional armrest hogs.

I know that dealing with armrest hogs may sound petty, especially in light of wars, famine, etc. but when you're stuck five to 10 hours at a stretch on an airplane, unable to move in between two armrest hogs, dire situations require drastic actions.

The first thing to remember when battling an arrest hog though, is that you can't mince words. With a smoker, you can say, “Can you please stop smoking, you're polluting my air?” With an armrest hog, you can't say to the person next to you, “Can you please move your arm one-and-a-quarter inches over to the right. You're in my personal space.”

No, in situations like this, you have to take action. One of the best things you can do, if you're really having trouble with your seatmate, is to wait until he/she gets up and goes to the bathroom. Then, you can firmly plant your elbow on the armrest and stake your claim. The only problem with that is you have to make a commitment to yourself not to get up to go to the bathroom yourself, in case your seatmate tries to pull some same trick on you. But it may be impractical to sit there holding your bladder, just so you can try to hold on to a few inches of space. So, if all else fails and you've lost the armrest, this might be a good time to reverse strategies. You might, for instance, try befriending your seatmate. And as soon as you stick out your hand to shake your seatmate's and say “nice to meet you”, that's when you can firmly plant your arm back on the armrest.

(Readers can e-mail Lisa at lisal@thegrid.net.)