Endings

One of my editors for a business publication I write for recently called me up and said, “I really like your story, but do you think you could come up with a wittier, catchier ending?”

The story was about growing old and saving for retirement. I wasn't sure what to say.

So, I said, “Endings are hard,”

Then I went on to explain how beginnings are always so much easier than endings.

There's a million ways you can start off with a joke, for instance, and all of them can be good. But if you don't have a good punch line, then the whole joke is completely worthless and it was probably better that you never made the joke in the first place.

My editor had to agree with me. He didn't want to risk me telling a bad joke with no point, so he left the ending as it was.

The more I think about it, the more I realize how true it is that endings are hard. Beginnings are much more fun. The beginning of a relationship is much more fun than the end of a relationship.

Saying good-bye in general, can be hard. Sometimes, I deliberately avoid going to parties because I know when it comes time to say “good-bye” my host won't let me leave. I have a good friend who complains about me all the time.

“You're no fun. You always want to leave early. Why don't you stay out a little longer?” she says whenever we go out.

But I guess that's better than someone being happy when you get ready to say good-bye. And that's just the thing about good-byes. No matter how glad you are to see someone leave, you can never say so. You always have to say, “Oh, don't go” or “I wish you could stay longer”.

Sometimes I think the best way to deal with these situations is to avoid saying good-bye altogether. That is, just leave without saying good-bye. Of course, if you do this, you have to leave without saying goodbye to anyone because if you say goodbye to one person, you have to say goodbye to everyone. You have to find the host and say goodbye to her and to the host's husbands and to all the people you met while you were at the party.

If you do get caught up saying goodbye, it's not like you can just walk out the door either. It's like the ending of a joke. You have to say something that will be witty or at the very least, inoffensive. And if you do somehow manage to pull off a graceful goodbye, the worst possible thing that can happen is that you will have left your keys or your wallet in your host's house. Then you'll have to go back in and start your goodbyes all over again.

(Readers can e-mail Lisa at lisal@thegrid.net.)