Revisiting the Wave

Where I grew up in the city, people hardly spoke to each other in the streets, much less waved to each other from their cars .So, when I moved to Three Rivers I was surprised to find that waving is actually an art form.

There are many different types of waves. There's the open-handed wave which is in many ways reminiscent of the old Native American style of greeting, “How!” and the way cowboys used to tip their hats in the Old West. Then there's the wave where the person sticks his whole hand out of the car. I always feel extra special when someone sticks his hand out of his car to wave at me compared to the person who barely lifts his hand up from the steering wheel to wave. This barely-there kind of wave puts me in the uncomfortable position of not knowing whether to wave back or not. I don't want to wave if I haven't actually been waved at. But if I don't wave when the other person has in fact waved, I'll feel guilty when the person inevitably approaches me in the supermarket and says, “Why didn't you wave at me?!”

The worst kind of wave is the Bungled Wave. A Bungled Wave happens when I'm driving along, and think I see a car that I know. I pick up my hand to wave, but then seeing that it's somebody else, try to take my hand down, but can't. After all, how do you stop yourself in mid-wave once you've already started? There's usually only one place for your hand to go once you've shot it up in the air.

Of course, I could just go ahead and wave at this person who I mistook for somebody else, but then I risk committing myself to a life filled of waving because once you start waving at someone, it's hard to stop without causing a big problem. In some ways, it's a little like getting married.

Sometimes, I think that by not waving at really popular people, like the sheriff, who has to wave at people all day, I might actually be doing him a favor by helping give his hand a break.

I feel a bit strange waving at the sheriff. When I lived in the city, I always thought that a police officer was a sign of trouble and not someone you should wave at.

So now, when it comes to waving at the sheriff, I'm afraid if I don't wave he'll think I'm trying to hide something. Then again, if I do wave, he'll think I'm trying to be friendly because I'm trying to hide something.

Waving is so nerve wracking that I've more or less given up on waving at anyone, even to my best friends.

Some people try to deal with the problem of waving by buying new cars so they won't be recognized. But usually, you end up with a car that looks exactly like someone else's and you get a whole new group of people waving at you.

Some people think it's best to buy a car that looks a lot like everybody else's cars in town, like a white Ford pickup truck, for instance, so that nobody will ever really be able to single you out. But the problem with this of course, is that once you start driving that white Ford pickup truck, you're going to be one among many white Ford pickup trucks, and you'll have everyone waving at you. Then, you'll really have a problem.

(Readers can e-mail Lisa at lisal@thegrid.net.)