The Bad Thing About Middles

I like the middles of Oreo cookies, but other than that, I have a problem with middles.

Middles are just no fun when you're stuck in the middle of nowhere when your car has broken down in the middle of the road.

Middles are boring and tasteless when your tea is neither hot nor cold, or if you're stuck at a party in the middle of a crowded room talking to a “Middle-of-the Roader” who has no opinions one way or another and hasn't got anything to say.

Not only are “Middle-of-the-Roaders” boring, but in some cases, they can be quite dangerous, especially when it comes to yellow lights

Most people will slow down and stop when they get to a yellow light or else speed up and go through it.

“Middle-of-the-Roaders” can't decide what to do.

Either they'll step on the gas when they see a yellow light, and then change their minds at the last second and slam on their brakes and come to a screeching halt, or else, they'll slow down initially, then gun the accelerator and barely miss being side-swiped by another car.

These Middle-of-the-Roaders are quite literally a hazard to themselves and to everyone else.

Sometimes, I find, when faced with doing something, it's far better to plunge in and do it badly rather than to start and stop half-way through.

In baseball, if a pitcher stops mid-pitch, he'll get penalized more severely with a “balk” than if he had simply thrown a bad pitch and the umpire would have called a ball.

When dealing with scary dogs, a half-hearted approach can often be a bad idea. Dogs can sense fear and when they do, they sometimes act aggressively. The best thing to do when approaching a dog is to act confident, so as to avoid getting bitten. If you can't do this, it's best not to approach the dog at all.

All in all, it's best to do things all the way or not at all.

This is especially true when it comes to drinking and driving.

If you're a “Middle-of-the-Roader” and you get slightly inebriated and think you're fine to drive home when you're not, you may end up swerving over those yellow lines in the middle of the road ever so slightly and cause an accident.

But if you do things all the way, as I suggest, and get really rip roaring drunk, you'll eventually end up passing out before you even think about getting in the car to drive home. So, neither you nor anyone else will have to worry about a thing

Of course, there's one problem with passing out—you definitely want to avoid doing it in the middle of the road.

(Readers can e-mail Lisa at lisal@thegrid.net.)