Dropping In

Some people say that the old practice of dropping in on people died somewhere in between the advent of the telephone and the color TV.

But since living in Three Rivers is a little like being stranded on a desert island—there's no movie theaters, shopping malls, etc.—people rely on each other here more for a source of entertainment. Hence the practice of people dropping in on each other is alive and well here.

I say “art” because dropping in on people really is an “art”. You never know for sure what someone means when they say “drop in anytime”. Does that mean “drop in anytime”, “call first”, or really “never drop in any time for any reason.”

Usually, when I tell people “drop in anytime”, it's after we've both enjoyed a rendezvous together—a preplanned rendezvous. I made this mistake once of telling a male acquaintance of mine from the bar to “drop in anytime” and he showed up at 2 a.m. the same night. Unfortunately, I had to clarify for him through the window of my front door what “drop in anytime” meant.

But sometimes I don't even know what “drop in anytime” means. I work from home, so like any fully functioning, lazy, self employed person, I love it when people drop in on me and give me a reason to put off work. Of course, this depends on what kind of day it is, whether it's one of those days when I'm still in my bathrobe in the late afternoon, sick with a headache, or on one of those rare days — (OK, frequent days) when my house is a mess, or god forbid, I'm taking a nap. My very good friends know never to drop in or call before 10 a.m. And, they also try to be respectful of not interrupting me during the many naps I take each day. My very best friends are in fact so considerate, that they rarely drop by unannounced at all, although sometimes I wish they would.

Sometimes I'd rather people drop by my house rather than me dropping by their houses. When I drop by other people's houses, I'm never sure how long it's OK to stay. Since there was no formal invitation to come over, there's usually no formal invitation to go home either.

It's usually also an awkward situation if you happen to drop by someone's house around dinnertime and they feel obligated to invite you to dinner. I never have to worry about someone doing this at my house since I don't cook.

But I always feel guilty when I do it to someone else. But then I feel less bad when I sit down to dinner with them and we all have a great time. Then when I get up to leave, they say, “Drop in anytime”. So then there I am back to square one, thinking “What does drop in anytime really mean?'

Of course, some people are less welcome than others. I have a friend who has a frequent uninvited visitor who she likes but doesn't like well enough to see him as often as he drops in. When this guest drops in, she deals with him by letting him in and continuing to do what she was doing when he knocked at the door. Sometimes, I think the unwanted guest mistakes this as a sign that my friend is so comfortable with him that she barely notices that he's there. Then, sometimes my friend will come up with some type of errand she has to do and her devoted visitor will say, “That's OK, I'll stick around until you get back.” Or even worse, “I'll come with you.”

The old fashioned approach, I know, to avoid unwanted visitors is simply not to answer the door. No matter how hard they knock or how much they ring the doorbell, you're just supposed to sit there until they go away. Once they leave, you can breathe a sigh of relief and go back to what you were doing. That is, until the telephone rings.

“Hello,” you say.

“Oh, I thought you were home,” the unwanted visitor says. “I saw the lights on and the TV on, and I couldn't figure out why no one was answering the door. I thought you were dead or something. I was just about to call the police.”

Then you say, “Er, no, not at all. I'm fine. I was just in the uh, um, the bathroom.”

“OK, great” the unwanted visitor says, “I'll be right over!”

(Readers can e-mail Lisa at lisal@thegrid.net.)